hello, johnathon

alright so this post is gonna be effing long, so make sure you go to the bathroom now and grab some snacks
OK. so i'm at my wonderful job tonight stocking shelves as per usual, when this young man comes up beside me and is like "hello, i am johnathon from lost prevention" (if you dont know what that is, its the people who walk around and watch people to make sure that they're not stealing) and he's holding out his i.d like i'm actually gonna care. but he is pretty cute so i play along. and then he's like "can you please go down isle 16 and ask the gentlemen if they need any help, they look like they might be stealing!" and so i was like uhmm..k only cause your cute. so i go and do that and of course these guys are like no we don't need help, thanks. so im like uhmm k once again. so the lost prevention guy comes over to me again and is like, thank you for that so much! and to shorten the story a bit he basically starts telling me his life story about catching people stealing. like i actually give a DAMN!! and although he's super cute, he's really starting to piss me off. so anyways, he peaces for about 20 minutes and i continue on my merry way. THEN OUTTA NOWHERE, he pops up and starts having this rando convo with me about my work. rly? srsly? so i play along, but i am starting to get weirded out. so i end the convo and i run to my back room thinking that he can't come back there...OH WAIT, he does! so i see him wakling towards me and im thinking, "omg i'm going to die." so he comes up to where im standing and he's like, "yeah im just checking to see if anything is blocking the emergency exit" so i think he's gonna leave,,,BUT NO! HE STARTS A DAMN EFFING CONVO WITH ME ABOUT SOME STUPID THING CALLED LAR!!! WTF IS A LAR!! goddamnit, leave me alone effing johnathon. so i make the convo sooo short and awkward that he FINALLY leaves.
that is the ending of that event. soo about twenty minutes later im pulling a cart to my back room and theres this like, hose or something laying across the floor so i can't get by. so im like wtf am i going to do? so i ask this rando worked thats standing there and im like yo.what should i do? and he's like lift it! so im like uhh k yeah i'll try?? so i go and try to life my cart which is like 57464368 pounds...and he's like no no...i mean lift the hose. so im freaking embarrassed outta my mind. like who did i think i was? chuck norris? HOW THE HELL DID I THINK I WAS GOING TO LIFE THAT DAMN CART???
anyways. soo i work with this german girl, and she soo nice but doesn't speak english. so i was walking by her and shes like OH HELLO!! so i get super pumped and im like OMG HI!! then she looks at me like im nuts,,,,,, so i turn around and see the person she was really saying hello too...alright cool
SO just as i think its going to get better....it doesn't. im pulling my cart with a box of toothbrushes to my final destination when all of a sudden, THE BOX EFFING FALLS OVER!! HOW THE SHIT DOES THAT HAPPEN!! so now there's toothbrushes laying all over the floor.i basically did the biggest face palm ever....